Suckers Punched/Transcript
Intro "Last time on Total Drama All-Stars," Chris said, "the campers were treated to a day in the Fun Zone, where anything can happen ... except fun! Heather found the hidden invincibility statue – too bad someone else found it after her. Mike, or something else, released the mutants back into the wild. Yeah, that's going to be trouble. In the end, the Heroes got the victory! And Alejandro was headed for the Flush of Shame until he pulled off the biggest surprise of the night and sent Heather flushing." Chris sat in a lounge chair at Playa Des Losers. "Can the Heroes hold their lead? Will the Villains live up to their name? Will my breakfast get here before lunch?! Find out right now on Total ... Drama ... All-Stars!" Opening sequence (Cameras extend from parts around Camp Wawanakwa.) Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine. You guys are on my mind. (Camera rapidly moves past Chris, in a helicopter, and up a hundred foot cliff. The camera jumps off the cliff and enters the ocean where Scott is being chased by Fang.) You asked me what I wanted to be, and now I think the answer's plain to see. (Fang jumps out of the water, showing Courtney on a raft paddling toward him.) I wanna be famous. I wanna live close to the sun. So pack your bags 'cause I've already won. (The camera zooms in on a totem pole where Duncan is carving a skull that resembles a bunny as Zoey stares at him, causing him to stop and snap his knife. The camera zooms back where Zoey turns to see Mal with a rope, preparing to drop a boulder on Cameron. He quickly turns back to Zoey as Mike and grins.) Everything to prove, nothing in my way. I'll get there one day. 'Cause I want to be famous. (The camera moves to the Mess Hall where Alejandro and Heather are wrestling each other for the McLean Brand Chris Head. Heather knocks Alejandro down and the Chris Head falls into her hands. She laughs while Alejandro scowls at her.) Naaaa-na-na-na-naaaa, na-na-na-na-naaaa, na-na-na-na-na-naaaa! (The camera pans back to reveal the dock where Lightning is staring at his reflection in the water. In the water, Courtney is still chasing Fang, but the raft crashes into Duncan and Gwen’s boat and the latter smiles apologetically as Courtney sinks.) I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous! I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous! (Further in the water, Lindsay is jet-skiing and blowing kisses and Jo, also jet-skiing, shoves her aside when they crash into each other. The camera pans to Boney Island where mutants are chasing Sam and he is mauled by one, sending pieces of his clothes into the air until the day becomes the night.) Whistling. (At the campfire, Scott, bruised, and Courtney lean in to kiss, but Sierra snaps a picture of them on her phone and they flinch back. Camera pans back as the campers, separated with the Heroes on the right and the Villains on the left.) Act I Duncan sat in his bed at the Spa Hotel, watching Mike sleep across from him. Mike mumbled in his sleep. “Got rid of Cameron … Zoey … can’t know … one by one … I will protect … once the money is ours ... mine.” He rose from his bed and walked out of the door. Duncan raised an eyebrow and crept out of his bed. He peered into the hallway, watching Mike as he sleep-walked into a room at the back of the Spa Hotel. The sun rose over the Spa Hotel. Lindsay and Zoey sat at the table. "Have you talked to Mike recently?" Lindsay asked. Zoey sighed. "No. I don't know what to do, Lindsay. Sometimes he acts like the guy I fell in love with, but other times he acts so scary. Oh! I can't believe it. I'm afraid of Mike." "Communication is the key in any relationship." Lindsay said. "But Mike is so secretive. He's holding something back. I know he is." Zoey said. "And something Duncan said has got me thinking." "You're listening to Duncan?" Lindsay asked. "Why not to me?" "He told me that Mike used to be in juvie, Lindsay." Lindsay laughed. "Mike?! He's probably just messing with your head, Zoey. It's a strategical move. He knows he doesn't have any allies on this team and if we lose, he’s guaranteed to be heading home. Trust me. Duncan's just covering his own butt." "I don't know who to listen to." Zoey said. "Lindsay says not to trust Duncan, but Duncan tells me Mike was in juvie! Mike hasn't said anything to me at all other than that he's fine. Is he lying or telling the truth? Oh! I wish Cameron was here. He'd know what was wrong with Mike." Duncan glared as Mike entered the room. "And where were you all night?" Mike laughed. "Oh, strangest thing happened to me. I fell asleep in the bathroom. Don't know how I got there. But, it’s nothing to worry about. I did all the time when I was younger. My multiple personalities loved to wander whenever I fell asleep." "Any ones in particular hijacked you recently?" Duncan asked. Mike glanced around. "Uh, no." Duncan growled. "Okay, quit fooling around! I know it’s you, Mike. You recognize me from juvie and I recognize you. Wanna know how? Because I sure don't forget the cellmate who created a blade out a plastic fork, stabbed a guard's eye, and got thrown in the SHU just 'cause he was bored and wanted something to do." Mike gulped. "I – uh – I have no idea what you're talking about." Duncan pressed a finger on Mike's chest. "Don't play dumb with me, Mike, if that’s even your real name. I know your Mal personality recognized me and I'm not going to let you hurt Gwen. I know exactly what got you thrown in juvie and pretty soon Zoey's gonna know it too." "No!" Mike fell to his knees. "Please, you can't tell Zoey! I'll do anything! Anything!" Duncan dropped Mike. "You act like a hero, Mike, but you're not. I know the truth about you and you're even worse than a villain ... you're a freak show. I'm outta here." He wrapped his hand around the doorknob. Mal gripped Duncan's wrist, dropping him to the floor. "Dude! Let go!" Mal smirked. "I warned you, Duncan. I told you exactly what would happen if you disobeyed me. Now, get ready to suffer bad boy, because you haven't seen just how bad I can be." Gwen, Scott, Jo, and Courtney ate around a table in the Mess Hall. "Is toast supposed to be green?" Gwen asked, poking at the food with her fork. Scott picked up the green toast. "Mawmaw calls this penicillin puree. Never had a cold in my life." He threw the bread into his mouth and sighed contently. Gwen gagged as Alejandro walked into the Mess Hall. "Look who it is," Jo said. "Here to backstab one of us next, Ale-head-ro." Alejandro lowered his eyebrows. "Heather was only dragging our team down. She insisted that we all listened to her and tore us apart with her relentless pursuit to eliminate me. Our team will be much more efficient now that she's gone." “Especially since I’m in charge of the team.” Jo smirked. “Prepare for victory, people! Tonight we stay in that Spa Hotel!” "After today, there won't be any teams." Courtney said. "What are you talking about?" Alejandro asked. “The teams can’t merge yet,” Jo said. “The rightful leader just took her place!” "There are only nine players left – we have to merge soon." Courtney said. "And after what you did to Heather, good luck finding an ally, Al." "I would prefer it if you did not call me that name." Alejandro said. Scott stood. "What's wrong with the name Al? My sister's name is Al – short for Albertha. She's the county hog caller. Su-wee! Su-wee!" A hog slammed into Scott. "Ow!" "Uh ... is no one else going to acknowledge that a hog's on the island?" Courtney said. Alejandro, Gwen, and Jo shrugged. "Are you okay Scott?" Courtney helped Scott stand. "As long as you're here," Scott said. "I'll always be okay." "I know what you're thinking," Courtney said. "But I am not falling for Scott and I mean it! Not like I don't like Duncan and I mean it mean it. This year I'm all about winning. I would have won the first time if it wasn't for a bad boy and a nerd. Luckily, there isn't a nerd around to hurt my chances. At least ... not anymore." "Good soon-to-be painful morning, everyone," Chris announced over the loudspeaker. "Head to the Chris-iseum, pronto! Today's challenge isn't gonna hurt itself!" The contestants gathered by a boxing ring. Chris stood in the ring, "Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa Coliseum!" Gwen walked over to Duncan. "What's got you shaken up?" Duncan glanced over at Mike. "Uh, nothing, everything's okay. Love you." Gwen frowned. "Is this about your hero-ness transformation? You know, it's all in your head right? I went through the same thing when I thought I was becoming a villain." Duncan sighed. "I've been hiding the good side of me for so long, but yesterday I tried being bad and it just didn't feel right - like it wasn't me anymore." "Well, whatever happens, just know I'll still be here." Gwen smiled. "What's this? A boxing ring?" Scott asked. "Greetings, playahs!" Chris said. "The recipe for today's disaster is a hearty helping of season one's 'No Pain, No Gain Challenge' with a pinch of Phobia Factor for extra zing." "Not hungry." Courtney said. "Get ready to sink your soon-to-be missing teeth into the Wheel of Misfortune." Chris said. The Wheel was plastered with fourteen blank cards. "Spin the wheel and go a full two minutes in a boxing battle with whatever the wheel lands on. Oh, and to make things more humiliating for you, we've brought back the eliminated contestants and their phobias." He gestured to the peanut gallery as it rose from behind the contestants. Courtney shrieked. Sierra and Sam sat at the back row while Lightning and Cameron sat at the front row. "Yay!" Sierra clapped her hands. "So excited to be here," Sam said and caught Lindsay’s eye. Lindsay frowned and looked away. "Sha-traitor!" Lightning pointed to Jo. "If you hadn't voted me off, I'd be able to win this challenge all by myself! Sha-yeah!" "Great, Lightning's back." Jo scoffed. "As if the video wasn't enough." "Cameron!" Zoey waved. Cameron mumbled through his bandages. "Hey, buddy, how are you doing?" Mike asked. Cameron's eyes widened and he shifted in his seat, trying to back away from Mike. "I never thought I'd be happy to see a nerd!" Duncan said. "Cameron knows exactly what's going on with Mike. I just have to get him and Zoey together without," he shuddered, "Mal knowing and send him flushing back to juvie." "Where's Heather?" Alejandro asked. Chris shrugged. "We couldn't find her. Probably being mauled by a bear for all we know." He snickered. "Luckily, we managed to get her fear before she was flushed. Anyway, if you win the match, you earn your team a point. Fights will be judged impartially by Chef and myself." Chef walked up to Chris in a pink dress. "First team to win four battles is the champ! Now, let's get ready to pummel!" "Uh, uh, hang on," Mike said. "Where are the rewards you promised Lindsay?" "Oh, yeah, I totally forgot about that." Lindsay said. "Thanks, Mica." "Which I was counting on." Chris sighed. "But for being MVP in the last challenge, the Heroes get a point. You may still have to box, however, seeing as how your team is down a player." The scoreboard dinged, marking a point underneath the Heroes' logo. "Since the Villains lost yesterday," Chris said. "They go first. Who's rumble ready?" "All right, team," Jo said. "The Heroes have an early lead and it's going to take everything we got to win this – so here’s the order -" Scott walked up to Chris. "Me. I'll go." He walked up to the Wheel of Misfortune and spun it. “Hey, wait!” Jo shouted. “Listen to your leader!” "Say hello to your foe ..." Chris said as the Wheel of Misfortune landed on a blank card. "Your very own phobia ... Fang!" "Huh?" Scott turned and screamed as Fang rose from the boxing ring. He froze. "Hello?" Courtney waved her arms in Scott's face. "Scott! Scott!" "Come on, bro," Chris said. "Move it or lose it." "Oh, I think that's already happened." Duncan said. Chef outfitted Scott with boxing gloves and threw him into the boxing ring. Scott didn't move as Fang punched him three times. The shark twirled his right fin and punched Scott through the ring. Scott ricocheted off of the net and into Fang's punch. Fang smiled as Scott collapsed outside the ring. "Wake up and smell the boxing gloves hitting you in the face, Scott!" Courtney shook Scott. "I likes you, purdy lady!" Scott mumbled. He laughed. "G'sleep." "Time's up and Fang wins!" Chris said. "No point for the Villains – the score remains 1-0 Heroes." "You should be ashamed of yourself, you overgrown guppy!" Courtney said. Fang rolled his eyes. “This is why we had to decide on an order, people!” Jo said. Courtney grunted as she dragged Scott out of the rink. "Let me help." Gwen reached down and grabbed Scott's legs. "Sure," Courtney sighed. "Thanks." "No problem." Gwen smiled. "After what Duncan told me," Courtney said. "I'm starting to think that I was a teensy bit harsh on Gwen. Maybe she's paid her dues. Besides, after seeing his performance in the challenge, Scott may not be cut out to fill the role of my ally. Gwen's friend-ish enough." Gwen cringed as she and Courtney dragged Scott to their side of the Chris-iseum. "Ew! Has this guy ever washed his feet?" "You countin' the toe jam already, Cletus?" Scott mumbled. "Hero time." Chris said. "Up next, big bad thug turned loveable lug, Duncan." Duncan growled. "Would you quit that?!" "It's just too much fun." Chris grinned. "Finally, I can prove my bad boy status by kicking butt in the ring!" Duncan said. "They're all gonna be sorry they ever called me 'Captain Sweetheart,' or 'Mr. Nicepants,' or worst of all ..." "Duncan Do-Right!" Chris said. "You ready for this?" "Man," Duncan said. "I've been itching for a fight all season long!" "Are you sure you don't wanna just give up the point and call it off?" Chris said. "There's no calling off the fists of five." Duncan clenched his fist. "But you might really hurt someone," Chris said. "Well, then, it sucks to be someone." Duncan said. "Back home, they call me Snake Hands." He swung his fists. "Psst, psst, psst!" "No one called you that when I visited." Gwen smirked. "Okay, then, spin away!" Chris said. Duncan spun the Wheel of Misfortune. He grabbed the paper it landed on and raised an eyebrow. "Mutant gophers?" Zoey gasped and turned to Mike. "Oh no!" "What?" Mike asked. "Mike?" Zoey said. "You're afraid of the mutant gophers." "Oh, oh, yeah, right." Mike chuckled. "Duncan! You've got this! You're the strongest member of our team!" Mal smirked at the Villains. "That is true, isn't it?" Jo mumbled. "One blind gopher won't be so hard." Duncan said. Four blind mutant gophers rose from the boxing ring. "You gotta love that the mutants escaped their sanctuary yesterday." Chris said. Duncan sighed. "Me and my big mouth." He walked into the rink and raised his boxing gloves. "Aw yeah, you're going down! Get ready! Any second no, bro, come on, seriously!" The blind gophers screeched and ran up to him. Duncan yelled as he ran around the boxing rink. "Tough break, Snake Hands!" Courtney laughed. "You're lucky you're not the one up here, Sweetheart." Duncan shouted. Gwen frowned. “I felt bad for Duncan. He loves being bad. The Heroes team was messing with his head. I had to help.” Gwen ran up to the rink. “Come on … uh … Snake Hands! Showed those gophers how you ruled juvie!” "Who's side are you on?!" Jo pointed at Gwen. "Sha-traitor!" Lightning shouted. "I thought we swore not to bring that up again, Gwen!" Duncan yelled. “I’m just trying to help you see that this Hero thing is only in your head.” Gwen said. Duncan glanced at Mike and then at Gwen. He stopped running and held up a boxing glove. A blind gopher ran into the punch and fell. Duncan jumped in between the other three blind gophers. He roared and punched each of the gophers, knocking them out with a single punch. Mike wheezed. Alejandro, Jo, and Scott glared at Duncan. Mal smiled. “I knew you could it, bad boy.” Gwen cheered. Duncan sighed as he walked up to her. “I’m not the lone wolf criminal I once was, Gwen. Being on the Heroes team made me realize just how much being bad sucks. All I could think about juvie was how horrible it was to be in there. Seeing you cheering me on, that’s what got to me. My folks were right. Guess it’s time I sign up for the academy, huh?” “For the record,” Gwen said. “A cop is just as hot as a delinquent. I bet you’d look good in something other than an orange jumpsuit.” Duncan smirked. “I’d be happy to let you get a good look.” He glanced at Mike. “But, I’ve got a problem to deal with first.” "One point for Duncan!" Chris announced. "That'll get him some hits on the web. Villains, you're really sucking. Who's next?" “Okay, team,” Jo said. “Here’s how it’s going to go down –” "I'll earn us a point." Alejandro walked to the Wheel of Misfortune. “Does team leader mean nothing to you?” Jo asked. "I hope he gets Heather!" Courtney said. Gwen chuckled. Alejandro gulped. "There's only one person I'd rather fight less than Heather, and that person is ..." The Wheel of Misfortune stopped on a blank card. Chris picked the card and smirked. "Congratulations, Al. While you don't get to fight Heather, sadly, you get to fight her phobia!" "Sumo wrestlers?" Gwen asked. "Nope!" Chris smirked. "Something much worse!" Smoke flashed on the boxing floor. It cleared, revealing a man with boxing gloves. "No! It can't be!" Alejandro said. Courtney and Gwen gasped. "Jose!" Alejandro's eyes narrowed. "How did Heather develop a phobia of your brother?" Courtney asked. "It's Heather, people!" Sierra shouted. "She probably lied, knowing that Chris would use it in a challenge! But, no matter, this is going to be awesome!" "Ooh, doggie!" Chris said. "Heather still leaves her mark on the show even after being flushed. Does Al have what it takes to stand up to his big bro or will baby fall down go boom? Find out after the break, right here on Total ... Drama ... All-Stars!" Act II "Welcome back to Total ... Drama ... All-Stars!" Chris said. "Al's face-to-face with Heather's fear, a familiar face of his own." "What are the odds that Al got Heather's phobia and has to fight his brother?" Lindsay asked. "You just can't write this stuff!" Chris laughed. Alejandro and Jose raised their boxing gloves. "Buenos dias, Al!" Jose said. "You look tired and in need of exfoliation." "I exfoliate once a week and the only thing I'm tired of is you!" Alejandro glared at Jose. "My whole life, Jose has been better than me at everything: academics, sports, and yes, even personal grooming. Well, not this time!" "Enough with the touching family reunion. Start punching each other!" Chris said. Jose aimed his left arm at Alejandro's torso, but he put the boxing gloves together to block and punched upward. Jose leaped back to avoid the punches and raised his hand for another strike. Alejandro turned so that Jose punched his shoulder. "Why are they only going for body hits?" Duncan asked. "It's weird." Zoey shrugged. "It is the family code." Alejandro held up a mirror. "Not the face." Jose raised a mirror. "Never the face." "Looks like the Villains are gonna be shut out again!" Chris said. "Or should I say 'punched out'." Jose leaped to avoid another of Alejandro's swings. "Your technique is almost as embarrassing as the way your girlfriend with the unattractive personality burned you on national television." "International!" Chris sighed. "They just never seem to remember." Alejandro narrowed his eyes. Jose laughed when Alejandro punched him in the stomach. "That's for calling me Al!" He leaped toward Jose and punched him in the back. "That's for always hogging the bathroom mirror! Ugh! And replacing my soap with a urinal cake! Ugh!" Lindsay, Mike, Zoey, and Duncan stared in awe. Alejandro swung his arms. "And this is for calling any aspect of Heather unattractive!" He used both hands to punch Jose. Jose ricocheted off the ropes and onto the floor. "Whoa!" Chris said. "The Villains get a point ... and now we all know how Alejandro really feels about Heather." "Heather," Alejandro smirked. "I know you're watching – call me." "Hero time!" Chris said. "Guess I'll go next." Mike walked over to the Wheel of Misfortune. "Zoey," Duncan whispered. "I know you may have doubts about me, I would too, but you've got to believe me. Mike isn't who he says he is." "I have to talk to him." Zoey said. "It's your word over his." "Not necessarily." Duncan said. "There's someone else who knows the truth." He pointed at Cameron. "He's been acting weird about Mike ever since he fell off that cliff. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think Mike may have pushed him off." "That's horrible!" Zoey said. "Mike would never do that!" "Wanna prove me wrong? I do too. You have to talk to Cameron and get the truth." Duncan said. "He's so injured though." Zoey said. "Then you'll have to make him talk." Duncan punched his fist. "What does that mean?" Zoey crossed her arms. "That came out wrong." Duncan said. "I can admit it now. I'm not a villain, never really was. I meant to convince Cameron to talk with words, not fists." Mike spun the Wheel of Misfortune and held up the card. "Is that supposed to be a spider?" Cameron shrieked through his bandages. "I thought you were over spiders." Zoey said. Cameron shook his head. "Not a spider." He mumbled. "How is that not a spider?" Lightning asked. A gigantic spider rose up to the boxing ring. It lifted its arms up and removed its head. "Greetings, spider food!" Izzy laughed. Cameron shrieked. "It's an eight-legged Izzy!" Chris said. Mike raised his boxing gloves. "I don't feel right about this." Izzy sniffed the air. "Ugh, you smell weird! Like a honey cruller wrapped in rotten ham. Good on the inside, poison on the outside." "What are you talking about?" Mike asked. "Something inside of you is calling for help." Izzy said. "Question! Who's Mal?" Cameron shrieked through his bandages and gestured his head to Mike. "They say the eyes are the windows to the soul." Mal said. "Time to shut that window." "Can we just get on with the fighting?" Mike asked. Izzy laughed. "Fighting never got you anywhere ... not even in juvie." Duncan and Zoey gasped. Alejandro glanced suspiciously at Mike. Mike wheezed. His hair fell and his voice deepened. "Enough chitter chatter." Mal leaped to Izzy, but she leaped over him and turned, knocking him down with her spider legs. Izzy shrieked and jumped toward Mal, but he growled and pushed his legs upward, catapulting her over him. Mal rose and punched Izzy in the face three times. She blocked his fourth swing and punched Mal. "Mike!" Zoey shouted. "Get him Izzy!" Duncan cheered. Izzy and Mal blocked each of their strikes until she stopped and leaped into the air. "Bye-bye!" Izzy kicked Mal backwards and he collapsed. "Ooh!" Chris said. "Is Mike done for?" Mal growled and rose. He ran to Izzy and punched her down. As she fell, Mal kicked her into the air. He grabbed her mid-fall and laughed as he swung her around and launched her out of the Chris-iseum. Izzy screamed as she disappeared from view. "See?" Duncan said. "That's what I'm talking about." Zoey's eyes narrowed. "I have to talk to Cameron." "Mike got right villainous on that one, but a point's a point! It's 3-1, Heroes. One more point and they win the whole thing!" Chris said. “Is no one going to check to see if Izzy’s okay?” Courtney asked. Alejandro turned to Scott. "Did that seem a little strong to you?" Scott shrugged. "Multiple Mike's got his personalities to help him in challenges. If what Courtney says is true and we hit the merge, I'm gunning for him first." “Interesting.” Alejandro said. “Do you think any of his personalities were bad enough to get him locked up somewhere … like juvie perhaps?” Scott laughed. Alejandro frowned. “Perhaps I’d better keep an eye on him." Zoey walked up to Mike. "Wow. Um, where'd you learn to do that?" "I don't know." Mal said. "It's like I wasn't even in control." He grabbed Zoey's hands. "But I feel way better now that I'm with you. Guess it's just something I've always had in me just like how Commando Zoey rose in you last season." "Except you told me you never learned how to defend yourself. Every time one of your personalities came out, you'd get picked on. It's why you had to hide them away." Zoey said. "Well, then, I guess being a Russian gymnast also means I'm good at boxing." Mal laughed. "I thought you couldn't access your other personalities." Zoey said. "I meant that I must have learned a thing or two from Svetlana." Mal laughed. "That's it! I'm making a deck of tarot cards!" Zoey said. "In hindsight, I probably went a little overboard with Izzy." Mal said. “And Zoey’s starting to get suspicious. I have to stop Duncan from talking to her … permanently. "Villains, you're up!" Chris said. “Let the leader handle this!” Jo walked up to the Wheel of Misfortune. “Honestly! I work my butt off so that these maggots could finally see true victory, but do any of them appreciate it?” She scoffed. “Puh-lease. I just hope Law & Order is right and we merge soon, because this winner is looking out for herself from now on!” She spun the Wheel of Misfortune and grabbed the card off the wheel. "What the? Is this a joke, McLean?" "I hope it's me!" Lightning flexed his muscles. "You're going down, sha-traitor!" "Cram it, Protein Shake. It says I have to fight Lindsay!" Jo said. "Me?!" Lindsay said. "But why?" "Because Sam’s afraid of you.” Chris said. “Worried what you think now that he’s been exposed as a cheater and caused your team to lose.” "I so don't understand." Lindsay said. "Whatever!" Jo said. "Just get up on the rink! This'll be over quick!" Lindsay walked over to the rink. "Psst, Lindsay!" Sam said. "I want to talk to you – to clear up what Chris said." "I don't have anything to say to cheaters." Lindsay said. "I'm sorry, Lindsay. Is there any way you can ever forgive me?" Sam said. "Oh ... I'm not one to hold a grudge, Sammy." Lindsay smiled. “I’m just upset that you chose to cheat in the challenge. You could have been an all-star.” Sam sighed. “Maybe I can’t anymore, but you can, Lindsay! Win this match for us no-stars!” Lindsay and Jo stood on opposite sides of the rink. The bell rang. Jo growled and lunged at Lindsay, but she yelped and ducked to avoid it. Jo tripped over Lindsay and fell on the ground. "Sorry, Jo!" Lindsay said. "Quit your yapping and start swinging, Fashion Freak." Jo stood. Lindsay growled. "No one makes fun of my designer boots!" Jo swung her boxing gloves, but Lindsay raised her gloves to block the attack. She punched Jo back and smiled. "Yay! I got a hit in!" Lindsay said. "Lindsay, stay focused!" Sam said. "Knock her out, girl!" Lightning said. "Make Jo pay!" "Oh, Lightning," Sierra said. “The viewers love that about you – your revenge-fueled arrogance.” “Lightning isn’t arrogant!” Lightning scoffed. “Lightning is amazing!” Jo growled. "I admit, Bandana Head wasn't as princess-y as I thought she'd be. But, she still has a weakness – one I can exploit to my advantage." "Look, Lamebrain, is that Tyler?" Jo said. "Tyler's here?!" Lindsay turned. "Lindsay, turn around!" Sam said. "It's a trick!" Jo ran up to Lindsay and knocked her down with a single punch. "Hey, that isn't fair!" Lindsay said. "All's fair in a competition for a million bucks, Lose-ay!" Jo laughed. "Time's up!" Chris said. "Seeing as how Lindsay's still on the floor, I'm giving this point to Jo! The score is now 3-2, Heroes. Zoey, do you have what it takes to win it for the Heroes?” "I can try." Zoey walked over to the Wheel of Misfortune and spun. She picked the card out of its slot and gasped. "Oh no!" "What is it? What's wrong?" Duncan asked. Chris plucked the card out of Zoey's hands. "Well, doesn't this day keep on getting better? Zoey will have to face her own fear ... Mike!" Duncan and Lindsay gasped. "You're afraid of me?" Mike asked. “For the record, Chris,” Zoey growled. “That was just a figure of speech!” Zoey and Mike stood by the rink. "This isn't fair. You shouldn't have to fight again." "Well, look at it this way, if we fight for two minutes and you knock me out, then we win the challenge!" Mike said. "Oh! I can't fight you!" Zoey said. "I just can't make myself do it!" Mike sighed. "I couldn't bring myself to hurt you either." "So they're choosing love over winning?" Lindsay said. "How romantic." "Romance isn't gonna get you the big bucks." Jo said. Chris groaned. "Okay! Okay! Get off my rink, lovebirds! Sheesh, looks like the Heroes forfeit an easy victory. Villains, which one of you has what it takes to tie this thing up?” "I'll go!" Courtney and Gwen raised their hands and laughed. "No, seriously, I'll go. Oh!" They chuckled. "Gwen, spin." Chris said. Gwen walked up to the Wheel of Misfortune and spun. She grabbed her card and gasped. "Courtney?!" "There must be some mistake!" Courtney said. "Who's afraid of me?" Lindsay smiled. "No offense." Chris chuckled. "First, Alejandro and Jose and now Courtney and Gwen? Best day of pain ever!" "Fight Gwen?!" Courtney said. "I can't! I already put her through so much!" "I won't fight Courtney." Gwen said. "Not after how the whole Duncan thing went down." Courtney and Gwen stood at opposite ends of the rink. "No way!" Gwen said. Courtney and Gwen laughed. "Sorry, Chris!" Courtney said. "Yeah, I’m not letting this fight fail too. I kinda figured this would happen, so as a bit of extra incentive ... we had Sierra help us out a bit." Chris said. "Me?" Sierra asked. "What did I do?" Chef pushed a screen up to Chris. "What's that for?" Courtney asked. Chris pressed a button on his remote. The screen displayed scenes of Gwen and Duncan kissing in Hawaii, in Area 51's black box, on a yacht, and in the Total Drama Jumbo Jet bathroom. Courtney growled fiercer with each image. "Isn't it awesome?!" Chris asked. "The producers found it on Sierra's 'Gwuncun' Blog." "I had nothing to do with this!" Sierra said. "Courtney, Gwen, your friendship is too great to let this come between you again!" "Uh, Courtney, remember." Gwen said. "We're past this! We're friends again." "Hate to break it to you, Gwen, but we were never friends. Just friend-ish!" Courtney raised her boxing glove. "Sorry, Gwen, but this is going to hurt you more than it hurts me." She swung her arm, but Gwen raised both gloves to block it. "That's for kissing my boyfriend!" Courtney raised both boxing gloves to block Gwen's punch. "That's for getting the team to turn against me in Greece!" Gwen shouted. Duncan ran to the edge of the rink. "As much as I'm enjoying this, all this fighting has to stop!" Scott ran up and stood by Duncan. "Courtney, you can do better than him – mainly me!" "And what exactly makes you better than me, Stink Breath?" Duncan asked. "Shut it, Duncan!" Gwen said and punched Courtney in the eye. "Stuff it, Scott!" Courtney punched Gwen in the chest. "Courtney, why are you really mad at Gwen? You have to tell her." Duncan said. "You guys talked about me?" Gwen said. "When? During the freaky moon?" "I can't tell her anything, Duncan!" Courtney said. "It's a weakness and I can't have any weaknesses if I'm going to win one million dollars!" "You've got that right!" Jo said. "There's more to life than just money, Courtney!" Gwen blocked a punch with her boxing gloves. "Just swallow your pride and tell me. Don't you want to be happy?" "I was happy!" Courtney said. "When I was going out with Duncan and when you and I were starting to become friends! Then what happened: the two people I had any sort of relationship with on the show backstabbed me! You have friends, you have Duncan, who do I have? Who wants to be anything with a girl obsessed with winning? Especially when everyone is friends with the pus-y gothy blister." "Well, I'm into Heather." Alejandro smirked. “That girl’s got issues.” Lightning said. Courtney and Gwen dropped their boxing gloves. "Time's up!" Chris said. "We're not done!" Courtney and Gwen shouted and punched each other in the face. Gwen swung. "I'm sorry if what Duncan and I did made you feel worthless, Courtney. One of the reasons I came back on the show was to make things right with you!" Gwen said. "But you can't keep beating yourself up for what happened years ago. You deserve to be happy and I know someone who’s willing to give you a chance." Courtney punched her. “Ow!" Scott grinned. "I think she was talking about herself, bro." Duncan crossed his arms. "I never really missed Duncan," Courtney gasped. "But I did miss how friend-ish we were." "Hey!" Duncan said. Courtney and Gwen collapsed onto the rink. "So, friend-ish again?" Gwen asked. "You're still my competition" Courtney sighed. "But, we can be allies again." "I'll take it." Gwen said. Courtney and Gwen reached out and hugged each other. "Awwwww!" Lindsay, Sierra and Zoey swooned. "Lame." Jo said. Alejandro, Duncan, Mike, Lightning, and Sam glanced at each other uneasily. Chris sniffled. "For putting a little warmth in my otherwise frozen heart, I'm giving you both one point! The Villainous Vultures win!” Alejandro, Courtney, Gwen, Jo, and Scott cheered. Duncan, Mike and Zoey groaned. "Now, please, hit the showers, you stink!" Chris said. "Losers, if you'll come with me?" Lightning, Sam, and Sierra walked after Chris. “Hey, Mike!” Duncan winked at Zoey. “I’ll help you get your things out of the Spa Hotel.” Mike raised an eyebrow as Duncan pushed him out the coliseum. “Uh … okay.” "Cam, here, let me." Zoey helped Cameron to his feet. "You're the only person I can trust now, Cam, and you know you can trust me. Tell me, it's just the two of us, Izzy called him Mal and Duncan says Mike used to be in juvie. Are what they're saying true?" Cameron nodded. Zoey gasped. Act III The Hamsters sat at the tree stumps while the Vultures watched from the stands. "Mike was pretty vicious with Izzy," Duncan whispered. "Yeah, but it was a fight challenge." Zoey said. “I just don’t feel right about this.” "Makes you wonder, though." Duncan said. "What if Mike is the alternate personality and Mal is the real deal?" Zoey gasped. "After all this time? No! It can't be! I have to find out why Mike went to juvie." "Hey, guys." Mike said. "What are you talking about?" "Nothing!" Duncan and Zoey said. "Okay, before another player hits the sewers, I have a wee announcement to make." Chris said. "Here comes the merge." Courtney whispered. Alejandro frowned. "After today's show of excellence, I don't need an ally when we merge. I'm a one man winning machine!" "Tonight," Chris said. "The winners get to choose which player is eliminated from the losers’ team! Hold that gasp. The teams are not merging yet. Now you may gasp." Scott, Alejandro, Jo, Gwen, Courtney, Lindsay, Duncan, Zoey, and Mike gasped. "And there it is." Chris said. "Now, Villains, into the confessional and vote for which Hero you want to send flushing. Get to it." Scott tapped the marker to his chin. Jo crossed out Duncan's picture. Courtney smiled and crossed out Zoey's picture. Gwen frowned and crossed out Mike's picture. Alejandro grinned and crossed out a picture. "Heroes, I bet you're anxious, but let's see who the Villains chose to save first, shall we?" Chris said. Chef tossed aside a piece of a paper, revealing Lindsay's photo. "Lindsay, unsurprisingly, no one voted for you." "Ooh yay!" Lindsay clapped and claimed her marshmallow. Chef tossed aside Lindsay's photo. "Zoey, you're also safe." Chris said. Zoey grabbed her marshmallow, but gasped. Duncan and Mike glanced at each other warily. "Can't say I'm surprised. You're the only ones who scored any points for your team." Chris said. "The person the Villains have chosen to eliminate is ... Duncan!" Mike sighed in relief and grabbed his marshmallow. "Duncan?!" Courtney and Gwen said. "I know it's always a shocker." Chris said. "Duncan, the Flush of Shame awaits you, my man." Zoey, Lindsay, Mike, Courtney, and Gwen gathered at the Dock of Shame. "I'll miss you, Duncan!" Zoey hugged him. "Bye, Dunc, hope to see you soon." Lindsay smiled. "What can I say?" Mike said. "You were a good competitor." Duncan squeezed Mike's hand. "Don't try anything while I'm gone, pal, or you'll regret it." "I don't know what you're talking about." Mike said and flexed his wrist. "Ow!" Duncan walked up to Courtney and Gwen. "This is going to sound sappy, but I'll miss both of you, maybe one more than the other." "So, this change you told me about?" Gwen said. "Is it really the new you?" "Way to go, Gwen," Courtney smiled. "You did something even I couldn’t. Turn a bad boy into a good man." "I wouldn't go that far." Duncan smirked. He turned to Gwen. "Don't miss me so much and watch out for Mike. He's not what he seems." Duncan leaned in to kiss Gwen, but Chef grabbed him by his collar and tossed him into the Flush of Shame. "Okay, all right already, just get it over with." Chris smiled as he pressed the button on his remote. "Hold your breath!" Duncan screamed as he twirled around the toilet and disappeared "Big brothers, former competitors, surprising twists! Can we top it?" Chris tossed aside his umbrella. "You better believe we can, next time on Total ... Drama ... All-Stars!" Mal whistled "Into the Hall of the Mountain King" as he dropped three pictures of Duncan onto the floor and snickered. "Perfect." Exclusive clip Duncan scoffed as he emerged onto an alleyway. Sirens wailed in the distance. "What the?" He turned and saw a wanted poster for Jack the Ripper. "London? They still believe Zeek's on the loose? Ha!" He turned and gulped, facing Jack the Ripper with a raised knife. Duncan screamed. Category:A to Z Category:Total Drama All-Stars (Rewrite) transcripts